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So ….

All right now that the book recap is up,  maybe I’ll babble a little.

Expect I’m not too sure what to babble about.  My personal policy has always been not to share more than vague generalities about work, so that’s out even though it’s sucking up a lot of brain power, and not in a very positive way. 

Although that does remind me of a topic that’s been frustrating me of late.  Gratefulness.  Is it just me, or has there been a stronger push the last couple of years for people to feel grateful for what they have & quit complaining?  Absolutely, it’s wonderful to appreciate what you DO have, to count your blessings, to be thankful for the good and the privileges and freedoms we have. Yes, I am lucky to live where I do, when I do, and yes, I have it better than many, many others in the big old world.

BUT I feel like the push to feel grateful has for some time been to the point where people’s feelings, frustrations, stresses, problems are all being negated.  Is it helpful to push down any negative emotion and tell ourselves or others to just suck it up and be glad for what IS good in our lives?  I don’t think we should be Eeyores who are full of “woe is me” all the time, but Pollyanna Sunshine isn’t a better state of being in my opinion. The human experience is about a RANGE of emotions. 

Also, how will I reach for better if I don’t acknowledge where I am dissatisfied?  How will I ever make changes in my life if I tell myself things are good as they are?  What happens to my frustration and disappointment when I bottle it up, stuff it down deep inside because I am trying to tell myself I am lucky all the time?

Why is it so wrong to be unhappy with things that aren’t good?

Honestly, I am NOT happy with my life right now.  Refusing to acknowledge that does not help.

It’s one of the things that keeps me from writing; I don’t feel like pretending, but I have allowed the public opinion of grateful as ideal as well as my own mixed up thinking to condition myself to thinking that sharing my unhappiness is whiny and selfish and unattractive and I should just STFU.

I’m tired of feeling like I should be grateful for what I have and feeling like I don’t have the right to wish and hope and want for more.

book binge results

Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I know this should’ve been posted ages ago. I’ve been ignoring the blog more & more.  Can’t decide if I want to keep it going or not.  Not many reading it these days .. though why should anyone with the neglect? lol

Anyways, here’s April’s list of books

A Place Called Here – Cecelia Ahern
Spellbinder – Melanie Rawn
Lunatic Cafe – Laurell K Hamilton
Dreamcatcher – Stephen King
started Attack of the Unsinkable Rubber Ducks, couldn’t get into it
The Original Cyn – Sue Margolis
Angels & Demons – Dan Brown
Swallowing Darkness – Laurell K Hamilton
Predatory Games – Christine Feehan
The Light Fantastic – Terry Pratchett
Let Your Life Speak – Parker J. Palmer