Wordless Wednesday

thechild

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Bit in the Butt

Don’t you just love when your words come back to bite you in the arse??

I recently sent off a note to someone I’d been out of touch in a while and got a lovely reply from her. In her catching up,  she enquired how things with The Child were going.  I wrote back that things had been better of late and that it’d been a while since he’d had a tantrum.

Yeah. WHAT was I thinking?? The last two days with The Child have been pretty rotten with several tantrums and behaviour I had hoped I’d seen the last of.  Amongst other things, I have a lovely purple design on my hall wall now thanks to the destructive forces of The Child in the last couple of days, writing on my sheets that I don’t think adds any ambiance to my room, and right this moment, he’s cleaning up baby lotion from his walls.

*sigh*

Continuing Limbo

Well last week was a good one for job searching with more than half-a-dozen things worth applying to & three interviews!  However one of the interview was an absolute dead end, another a case of wrong timing (I was overqualified for the job I applied for, but apparently a great candidate for something that won’t be available until the Fall *sigh) and the third promising, but no idea about salary & the main decision maker was leaving the following day for a two-week holiday. *sigh*

I’ve struggled with where my career should be going next so much this last year. On the one hand, I think that whatever I do, it can be used. Ultimately, what matters most is relationship with others & that can be done in any job. On the other hand, it seems to me I have skills, abilities and a modecum of intelligence and it seems silly to me to not use it.  I wondered wether I needed to “swallow my pride” and be willing to take *any* job, and I certainly reached the point a couple weeks ago of letting go and putting in an application to Tim Horton’s .. but again, that doesn’t seem to fit with purpose in my life.

i don’t want to be needing assistance – whether in terms of welfare, subsidized housing, subsidized daycare, any social program like that. It bothers me to think I may be taking resources that someone else needs .. what about the people that aren’t able to work because of health or mental issues for instance?  it bothers me that I’m having to contemplate ending my sponsorship of a child in a developing country because I am worrying about how to put food on my own table. To me I have the capacity to be working in a *good* job and how much better would it not be to have abundance that could be shared with others?  But it’s still not coming.

To date I have applied for well over 50 jobs in the last year. I’ve had about 8 interviews. None yet got as far as a reference check. I’ve applied for things I’ve been overqualified for, perfect for, underqualified for. Three different agencies. Close to a dozen friends asked for their input and help.

*sigh* I’m not good at being patient and this being in limbo on a job and even a home (since I’ve been looking out of town as well as within) is very frustrating.

Renewal

My very good friend has been trying to find a good time for The Child & I to visit him in his “new” home. Finally we found a few days that worked for us so after a brief visit with my folks on Friday, we headed further up North to visit Jeff.

The visit with my folks Friday was short as dad tired out quickly, but it was good to see him. He’s recovering well though still doesn’t have details on just *what* the growth was on his lung & if it’s something that could return, but the specialists obviously aren’t feeling terribly concerned, so we’re all feeling pretty good about that.

So anyways, The Child & I arrived at Jeff’s about dinner time & he cooked us a delicious dinner, which we then attempted to partially walk off at a nearby park. The next day was rainy at first but it cleared & we got in a full day of sailing in his newest boat. Sunday we took a picnic to the beach & splashed & swam in the bay, then Jeff took The Child on the go-karts.  Out for dinner for the best fish & chips I’ve ever had & then out for ice cream – talk about spoiled, eh?! Kitty-corner to Jeff’s place is a museum which hosts concerts in the park Sunday evenings, and we got back in time to catch a local musician play some tunes on his guitar.

Jeff’s place backs right onto the lake – 20 steps & you’d be standing in it! here’s some of the views from his yard:

penetanguishene

Views from the yard

Views from the yard

Yard with a View

Jeff’s been an incredible friend to me for some time now, showing an incredible amount of patience as I’ve wrestled with some big questions around spirituality and trying to sort out crap from my past and well, life, the universe & everything! LOL!

We had a couple of very intense conversations while I was there & I think I’ve *finally* managed to let go of some things … and come home with a sense of renewal.

Needless to say, between one thing and another it wasn’t easy to leave Monday morning! I’m very much feeling fortunate to have a friend like Jeff and to have been given the chance to really enjoy a beautiful place. I’d love to move The Child & I to that area if I could find a job there .. but I’ve definitely hit the point of ANY job would be good right now!