Wordless Wednesday

Stay tuned!

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Finally, GOOD news!

I have a job! wooohoooo! 🙂

I just signed off yesterday on an offer letter for a position that I’m *very* happy, relieved and thankful for! Talk about 11th hour timing – the last unemployment deposit went in this week!
Anyways, the new job wants me to start Sept 8 and it’s too far to commute, so I’m doing a mad scramble to try & find a place, sort out schooling and care for The Child & arrange a move! The area I’m looking at is in & around Barrie. I’d consider as far North as Midland, but would rather stay South of Hwy 93 if possible. Shout out if you know the area, would ya?
obviously updates here will be scarce for a bit!

Patience and Struggles

I battle so much with patience and with the struggles I’ve been through in my life … I have so much trouble sometimes seeing the point or the reason ….. so it was interesting to run across the following anecdote in a book I’m reading:

    One day a man walked by a tree and spotted a cocoon with a hole in it, just as the butterfly was about to emerge. Wanting to help the butterfly, the man breathed hot air on the cocoon, hoping to hurry the process. He was horrified when instead, the emerging butterfly died in his hand. What the man realized, to his dismay, was that it’s the very act of gradual and steady beating of the wings against the inside of the cocoon that builds the power of the wings and gives the butterfly the strength to fly.

It’s so hard sometimes to endure when we can’t see the purpose or sense, but I think the only way to endure *well* is to trust there *is* a reason, a purpose, a lesson, some little nugget that will shine down the road … the other option is to become bitter or crazed or sunk in a mire of depression or addiction.

Still, it’s hard figuring out how to keep hope alive …..

Wordless Wednesday

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Storms

today is one of those days where i just feel like crying .. for me, for my friend who’s just said goodbye to her father-in-law, for my son who’s having a hard day … for just so much ….

somehow the weather seems right for my mood ….
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Now what?

Today marks the end of my unemployment eligibility.

I have a payment hitting my account Tuesday, then a final deposit should hit my bank account the middle of the month. It’ll be much less due to the way the weeks worked out .. and then, there’ll be … nothing.

I have no idea what comes next. I never thought it would get this far!  It’s been over a year ….. and despite all the resumes sent off, interviews attended, thank you notes written, not one single reference has been checked and even the things I thought were “sure things” didn’t pan out.

This week’s interview went quite well … but I was really hoping to hear that a reference had been contacted .. I can hope that it’s simply a matter of folk being on holiday and/or busy, but I know they were anxious to be able to let the successful candidate know no later than the end of next week.

This is a scary place to be.
This is a place I never wanted to be.
This is a place I never thought I’d be.

like the title says … now what???

Figuring out Life

A poster on a board I infrequent posed the question “how do you figure out what to do with your life.”
My first response was “@#$! if I know!”, but something compelled me to answer more seriously & I didn’t even really stop to think about what I was writing. I think I myself will need to be reminded of this part of my answer down the road, so am sharing it here!

…. I think life is a lot like sailing .. you can’t always go right *at* your destination .. sometimes you need to have an idea of where you’d like to go and then the prevailing winds mean needing to tack to work your way towards it .. and sometimes conditions can capsize the boat & you gotta decide if you’re gonna sink or swim, or right the boat & try again .. and sometimes when you get close to where you thought you wanted to be you find out it’s not what you were expecting and you need to change course again .. but meanwhile, you have to enjoy the trip or else it’s gonna be a lotta frustration and heartache ….

(and yes,there are other reasons why I may have fixated on a sailing metaphor, but we’re not going to go there today! 🙂 )

When Things Come Together

I love it when things come together! Such a nice change! lol!

Interesting how things happen sometimes ….. I have been neglectful of keeping a portfolio of my work. I knew I’d kept some screenshots & back-up while working at my last job, but didn’t stop to think about trying to grab them or save copies of some of my work last year when I got the lovely news about being out of a job …..  I’d had a few things on the laptop and finally things aligned that I was able to see most of the files that had been retrieved for me, but most of it it wasn’t really stuff I wanted to put into a professional portfolio.

SOOOOO anyways, I got a call a couple weeks ago about a position with ‘Company S’  that sounded like a very good fit and close to the area I think I want to be.  We played phone tag over the interview time and I was excited about it, then finally managed to have a conversation with the woman from HR. She wanted  a portfolio and several other things and I was totally unprepared.  I started having second thoughts. I decided that if this was meant to be, either more files from the hard drive would materialize and/or I’d get a call about another interview in the area the same day. (making the 3 hour each way drive more “worth it’).  Neither happened & I cancelled.

I was honest with the HR woman about the portfolio & she was very sympathetic & said they’d keep my resume on file, but unfortunately had only set aside that one day for interviews.

I had two other requests come in for samples of my work just after that.  In both cases, they wanted to see more than just Web work and they weren’t looking for an extensive array of things, so it was easier to pull things together for those requests.

Then I got another call from ‘Company S’.  A very similar position was available but with a different hiring manager, was I interested? I figured God gives you second chances if it’s something you’re meant to follow-through on so was all for it!  Since I’d put together the samples for the other requests, I at least had a sparse portfolio. I remembered about the ‘wayback machine’ and was able to pull up some older samples of Web work so things were looking a little better. Then, tonight, I went out to my car looking for the notes I scribbled on directions when the call came in about the first interview (they’d called my cell & I’d been in the car). I rummaged through my trunk a bit & didn’t find them, but did find an unlabeled CD …. brought it in .. and lo & behold a great bunch of screenshots & print artwork from my previous job that showed several re-designs I did .. which is what they are *most* interested in tomorrow!

I think God is probably having a nice little chuckle over me tonight!

Patience

patience …. I’m struggling so badly with this!  People who’ve seen my housekeeping may have a very tough time believing it, but I’m a type A, control-freak.  Not having a clear plan for my life at the moment is very frustrating to me.  I used to be pretty good at having small goals for the next year, and bigger picture goals for the next 5, 10 years.  These last few years have pretty much demolished all my plans and this last year especially has brought me to a place of not even being able to tell you what next week is going to look like.  I feel pulled in several different directions at once … needs and wants battling and mistrust of my own judgement hard to overcome.

The Child has been pushing all my buttons this past week. He’s had at least one screaming tantrum each day and I’ve found myself yelling at him more often than I even would care to try to recall.  I am frustrated at his defiance, his refusal to listen, his insistence on doing things he knows are unsafe and not ok in this house.  He’s not just pushing the limits, but leaping right over them.

I’ve spent many nights feeling completely incompetent , inept, frustrated and angry. I’m frustrated with THe Child, with myself and just my life at the moment. This frustration isn’t helping things though, I know.

I need to re-direct my thoughts, find a new way of thinking abut this. It’s not a new approach that’s needed – lord knows I’ve read enough parenting books, tried enough different tactics .. it’s my thinking that has to change, I know. It’s my patience that needs to grow – with myself and The Child. I need to trust that things WILL work out financially and job-wise.

*sigh*

on a totally unrelated note, I came across a fascinating quote today;”We never forgive those we’ve wronged.” Interesting thought, eh?

Addicted to Books

I learned to read before I was in kindergarten and have always loved escaping into a good book. I’ve tried keeping lists before of what I’ve read and inevitably forget about them or lose them. This year, I tried again and even with gaps, I surprised myself at the number of books I’ve managed to read so far!

I started the list in February, forgot about it part-way through April, remembered again in June, forgot until almost the end of July. There’s a lot of “fluff” on my list, but there’s some stuff that’s stuck with me too, which I’ve marked below with an *.

  1. High Five – Janet Evanovich
  2. Hot Six – Janet Evanovich
  3. Seven Up – Janet Evanovich
  4. Hard Eight – Janet Evanovich
  5. To The Nines – Janet Evanovich
  6. Ten Big Ones – Janet Evanovich
  7. Twelve Sharp – Janet Evanovich (her numbered Stephanie Plum books are a fun, fast read)
  8. Bitten & Smitten – Michelle Rowen
  9. Knitting Rules – Stephanie Pearl-McPhee
  10. Stephanie Pearl-McPhee casts off : the yarn harlot’s guide to the land of knitting. – Stephanie Pearl-McPhee
  11. * Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden
  12. Beast – Janet Evanovich (meh. I don’t like the between the numbers or non Stephie Plum books as much)
  13. Lean Mean Thirteen – Janet Evanovich
  14. Smitten – Janet Evanovich
  15. Visions of Sugar Plums – Janet Evanovich
  16. Diary of a Mad Mother-to-Be – Laura Wolf
  17. Undead & Uneasy – Mary Janice Davidson
  18. * The Notebook – Nicholas Sparks
  19. Prey – Michael Crichton (I found the ending a bit lacking & disappointing)
  20. The Chick and the Dead – Casey Daniels
  21. Tall, Dark and Dead – Tate Hallaway
  22. A kiss of shadows – Laurell K. Hamilton
  23. A caress of twilight – Laurell K. Hamilton
  24. Wife for Hire – Janet Evanovich
  25. Home Again – Kristin Hannah
  26. * God Doesn’t Shoot Craps – Richard Armstrong (fictional, but a fascinating viewpoint of God is presented)
  27. Seduced by Moonlight – Laurell K. Hamilton
  28. A Stoke of Midnight – Laurell K. Hamilton
  29. A Lick of Frost – Laurell K. Hamilton
  30. How to be Good – Nick Hornby
  31. * The End of Religion – Bruxy Cavey (non fiction; he explores the difference between following a set of rules vs trying to be like Jesus)
  32. Back in the Game – Holly Chamberlin
  33. * The Book of Lost Things – John Connolly (a grown-up kind of fairy-tale … and not in a cutsie way)
  34. Slay It With Flowers – Kate Collins
  35. Permed to Death – Nancy Cohen
  36. re-read all 7 Harry Potter book
  37. (2nd Harry Potter)
  38. (3rd Harry Potter)
  39. (4th Harry Potter)
  40. (5th Harry Potter)
  41. (6th Harry Potter)
  42. (7th Harry Potter)
  43. * Pillars of the Earth – Ken Follet (an epic novel about a prior, his master builder, their attempts to build a magnificent cathedral, and their community … the stories of the people as well as the politics of the church were fascinating)
  44. Plum Lucky – Janet Evanovich
  45. Too Big to Miss – Sue Ann Jaffarian (a fun and slightly wacky mystery)
  46. * The Tin Box – Holly Kennedy
  47. The Curse of the Holy Pail – Sue Ann Jaffarian
  48. * Wicked – Gregory Maguire (I don’t think it lived up to the hype, but there was lots of things I liked about it)
  49. * The Footprints of God – Greg Iles
  50. * Stumbling on Happiness – Daniel Gilbert (non fiction; an interesting psychological exploration of why we are so bad at figuring out what will make us happy)
  51. God on a Harley – Joan Bradley
  52. Heaven in High Gear – Joan Bradley
  53. Lady of Avalon – Marion Zimmer Bradley
  54. Salvation Texas – Anna Jeffrey
  55. * Get Out of That Pit – Beth Moore (non-fiction)
  56. Room For Improvement – Stacey Ballis
  57. Dead Over Heels – Mary Janice Davidson
  58. * The Purpose Driven Life – Rick Warren (non fiction; didn’t like it as much as I’d anticipated)
  59. Imaginary Men – Anjali Banerjee
  60. Sisters – Danielle Steel
  61. Emily’s Reasons why not – Carrie Gerlach

Anyone else keep track? What’s your list look like?