A peek into my head

… in the form of a dream I thought I’d share.  Last night I dreamt I went with my good friend to a large event.  I felt overwhelmed and intimidated by the crowd, and reached out to take his hand.  It felt very natural to walk hand-in-hand with him. After a while, he dropped my hand to wander off a bit. 

 

We wandered back together and again, joined hands (interestingly I *think* it was mutual in that instance).  We then came upon a fibre exhibit, which I, of course, found fascinating so it was my turn to drop his hand to get a better look at things.  I was looking at spinning wheels when my friend commented that he knew how to spin, and sat down and demonstrated his ability briefly. For some reason this bothered me, so I wandered away again to look at some yarn. 

Either I don’t recall what happened next, or the dream jumped, but next I recall, we were wandering again and again I reached to take his hand. He held it for a while and then gently let go and we seemed to part ways and there was a feeling of loss.

 

A very telling dream I think!  The feeling of being overwhelmed is definitely indicative of how I feel in my life at the moment!  The closeness of friendship suggested by the hand holding, has followed roughly the sequence of the dream; periods of deeper connection sometimes initiated more one-sided, followed by periods of distancing and my feeling alone in a crowd of people.  For various reasons, my friend & I haven’t been as close for some time, and in no way am I disappointed or upset with him, but I do feel the loss.  There’s been no close friends at all for some time with this loss and it’s been hard.  I of course, have taken to retreating and withdrawing even more, which does not help! 

I’m not so sure about the part about the spinning wheel – other than simply that I want to learn to spin, lol!  Maybe indicitave of my feelings of inadequacy?  Maybe a little jealousy at some of the opportunities and things that my friend has and wishing for similar things in my life?

At any rate, I find dreams a fascinating peek into the unconscious!

Plurkswap Fail

I don’t get the impression that anyone was checking back for new on the plurk bookswap, but in case someone wanted to know, there were only two people who sent in a list of books despite several saying they were getting them off shortly. Doesn’t make for much of a swap. ah well!  A good idea, that would do better if run by one of the “popular” kids! 😉