One Month In

One month into the New Year.

Too much snacking this past week, but overall eating habits are still better than they were.

Weather got too damn cold for walks far too often!  The days it was milder seemed to be my busiest, so didn’t get out much last week.  Did get out for a longer walk yesterday though!

Knitting, finished the baby gift for my brother & sister-in-law’s newest, who was born Sat jan 22nd at 4:30 am, welcome to the world baby B!  Also knit mittens & fingerless mitts for a swap.  Finally got the zipper sewn into my sweater, so it just needs an I-cord or something similar to finish the edge off as the neck looks too sloppy for my taste as is.  Also got the buttons onto my Amelia & am in fact, wearing it right now!  Knit a Dalek washclosh to EXTERMINATE! the dirt, heehee!  Coming alogn nicely on a stranded colourwork project, finally feeling I’ve got the general hang of that.  Convinced a co-worker to pick up the knitting needles after she’d had a long break from the craft. So I’d say it’s been a good month knit wise!

Health-wise & financially, this month has sucked hugely & unfortunately things aren’t about to get any better in either department.  Probably better not to get into details on a public blog, but some big things are going to have to change fast.  ugh.

Anyways, there’a little update from me!

Confusion

My life seems to be full of uncertainty and confusion at the moment.

I can’t seem to work out what it is I’d really like to do job wise.  Where it is I’d really like to live.  What it is that would help bring more happiness, contentment, joy, laughter, fufillment to my life.

I’m not looking for a magic fix. I know life isn’t perfect. I know the journey can be as important as wherever it is we think we’re headed.  But when it doesn’t feel like you’re headed anywhere, that’s pretty damn discouraging.

Friendships seem to be in flux.  Distance, time, geography, stage of life, and such things seem to have placed me at a distance from those I was once close to.

One in particular continues to puzzle and confuse me.  We were so close just a couple years ago. He spoke about the importance of vulnerability, openness & honesty.  We shared painful things, scary things, and seemed to make a deep connection.  Yet since then, he’s pushed me away, shut me out, refused to let me very far into his life.  I find it hard not to be hurt.

I know friendships come & go.  Doesn’t make it easier to feel the lack of any close ones.

checkin’ in

So, doing pretty good with my goals!

Managed a walk every day but last Friday & then Sunday (which I’d given myself off), but got in extra Thursday, so I’m ok with that. Lunches have been consistently smaller & I’ve added 2 servings of veggies a day to my diet.  Snacks are a tough one for me & I’m happy to have managed several nights without.

I finished the gift I was knitting & am making good progress on the swap knit.  Wtill need to finish my cardigan, but the zipper I bought isn’t the right length, phoo.

Anyways, nothing exciting!

hoarse

One of the things I’ve been struggling with for nearly a year now is hoarseness, an on again & off again sore throat and a weariness that can go from mild to bone aching and teary. It is incredibly frustrating to have been battling this for so long and seem not to be any closer to feeling better!

In this time, I’ve taken 3 courses of antibiotics, 1 course of prednisone, 10 days super-stonr prescription strength cough syrup, 3 diferent inhalers and an asthma medication in pill form.  There has been some positive improvement, just not in the original complaint; I am thrilled to have shaken my constant-for-I-don’t-know-how-many-years-cough!  I still cough a bit, but nowhere near what I used to.  This is a result of seeing an asthma specialist for the first time in 20-odd years.  She discovered that my lung capacity was absolutely lousy & I’ve been on Singulair and Advair for about 2 months now as a result. 

As for the throat and voice though, there’s no improvement on that front.  I’ve seen an Ear, Nose & Throat doctor who was at least able to ascertain there wasn’t anything gorwing where it oughten to be. 

I’ve tried collodial silver, gargling with salt water and various herbs. I’ve been using a neti pot which has done a great job of clearing up my perpetual post-nasal drip. I cleaned the house throughly, steam cleaning all the carpets & washing every surface in my room.  At the asthma speciliast’s recommendation, the dog has been kicked out of the bedroom.  All of which has resulted in improved breathing at night, but not helped the perpetual tiredness, or the throat & voice issues. 

I’m back to the doctor at the end of this month and frankly am about ready to stomp my feet over this.  Sure hope she’s got some ideas for what to try next!

starting over

*WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH*

That was the sound of the dust being blown away with the neighbour’s leaf blower!

blah blah blah been away too long, blah blah blah, rambling, whingine, blah blah, let’s just get on with it!

not sure what i want to do with this sucker, other than try and track accomplishments, whether small or big.  Going to try to worry less about acceptance, what others think, about being “good enough”. Sometimes it’s going to be doing SOMETHING however small. Hopefully there’ll be some bigger stuff in there too, but whatever. It is what it is.

Today’s achievement:

getting off my arse and OUTSIDE at lunchtime in the COLD and the SNOW!  2 rounds of snowshoeing in old-style snowshoes around the snowsnake track & one on foot (slippery!  today I learned that snowshoes have good traction on ice!)  Roughly 15 min, maybe a smidge more.

completed client’s artwork, yeay (and hey, I remembered I LIKE playing in photoshop)

made calls I didn’t want to instead of procrastinating on them.

and signed up for the Biggest Loser competition at work. again.  but this time I’d like to actually LOSE weight.