drowning

that’s what it felt like last night …… just totally overwhelmed, lonely and .. well, I can’t even think of a word that encompasses it …

 

Rationally, I know that this move has been a good thing for me and The Child.  There’s been lots of good moments. but in the last few weeks, there’s a been a string of events that have been harder to deal with and emotionally, I’m feeling lost.

 

more than anything, I feel incredibly disconnected and alone.  There’s no one to share daily things with – the little moments of silliness, the funny moments, the neat things, the ugh moments.  There’s no one to share the bigger things … no one to talk to about my worries about parenting, finances. No one to share my hopes and dreams with. No one to offer a different perspective on any of the things I grapple with, big or small. I miss too the being part of a realtionship with someone else, the being part of someone’s life and being able to share in their moments, the making someone else feel better or simply being there for another. I miss the give and take of a deep friendship or relationship.  I miss the comfort, emotional and physical. I miss hugs and sharing laughter and tears.

 

I’ve become completely disconnected from my group of online friends. With the problems of not being able to get online much; other than at work where doing more than checking e-mail at a break feels uncomfortable, I’ve just not been able to keep up with online folks’ lives or to share much of my life.

As for “real life” friends … there’s a disconnect there too, for various reasons … and it just all leaves me feeling alone.

 

*sigh*  There’s *so* much more I’d like to share .. but it’s not the time or place .. .and it feels like shouting into a void ….

 

 

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