that’s what it felt like last night …… just totally overwhelmed, lonely and .. well, I can’t even think of a word that encompasses it …
Rationally, I know that this move has been a good thing for me and The Child. There’s been lots of good moments. but in the last few weeks, there’s a been a string of events that have been harder to deal with and emotionally, I’m feeling lost.
more than anything, I feel incredibly disconnected and alone. There’s no one to share daily things with – the little moments of silliness, the funny moments, the neat things, the ugh moments. There’s no one to share the bigger things … no one to talk to about my worries about parenting, finances. No one to share my hopes and dreams with. No one to offer a different perspective on any of the things I grapple with, big or small. I miss too the being part of a realtionship with someone else, the being part of someone’s life and being able to share in their moments, the making someone else feel better or simply being there for another. I miss the give and take of a deep friendship or relationship. I miss the comfort, emotional and physical. I miss hugs and sharing laughter and tears.
I’ve become completely disconnected from my group of online friends. With the problems of not being able to get online much; other than at work where doing more than checking e-mail at a break feels uncomfortable, I’ve just not been able to keep up with online folks’ lives or to share much of my life.
As for “real life” friends … there’s a disconnect there too, for various reasons … and it just all leaves me feeling alone.
*sigh* There’s *so* much more I’d like to share .. but it’s not the time or place .. .and it feels like shouting into a void ….
Bunny's Babblings 