Punny Stuff

not sure what the origin of these are, but thought I’d share 🙂

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, “You stay here; I’ll go on a head.”

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: “Keep off the Grass.”

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, “No change yet.”

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

things that drive me nuts

stolen borrowed from another blogger

random things that contribute to my nuttiness

  1. bed sheets that won’t stay on the mattress (stole this one, SO agree!)
  2. dog hair
  3. running out of coffee
  4. poeple trying to have a conversation with me before my first coffee of the day
  5. my favourite mug breaking
  6. attitude &/or whining from The Child
  7. slow drivers
  8. bad drivers
  9. low water pressure showers
  10. not enough milk for my coffee
  11. having only dial-up available where i live
  12. that i’m a control freak
  13. not being able to find a clean spoon
  14. never-ending laundry
  15. people who fail to follow-through
  16. lies
  17. the neighbour’s dog who thinks my lawn is his personal toilet
  18. my broken digital camera & lack of funds to replace/fix 😦
  19. not being able to figure out why my pc’s modem won’t work
  20. still not being able to replace my mac that died last year
  21. the faults i feel like i *should* be able to do something about

Protected: Random things about me

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Book meme

Apparently the BBC reckons most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here.

  Look at the list and put an ‘x’ after those you have read.
Add a ‘+’ to the ones you LOVE.
Star (*) those you plan on reading.
Tally your total at the bottom. How many have you read?

1 Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen (x)

2 The Lord of the Rings – JRR Tolkien (* )

3 Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte

4 Harry Potter series – JK Rowling (x+)

5 To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee (x)

6 The Bible (some)

7 Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte

8 Nineteen Eighty Four – George Orwell (x+)

9 His Dark Materials – Philip Pullman

10 Great Expectations – Charles Dickens (x)

11 Little Women – Louisa M Alcott (x+)

12 Tes of the D’Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy

13 Catch 22 – Joseph Heller (*)

14 Complete Works of Shakespeare (most)

15 Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier (x+)

16 The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien (x)

17 Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks

18 Catcher in the Rye – JD Salinger (x+)

19 The Time Traveller’s Wife – Audrey Niffenegger (x+)

20 Middlemarch – George Eliot (started it, hated it)

21 Gone With The Wind – Margaret Mitchell

22 The Great Gatsby – F Scott Fitzgerald (x)

23 Bleak House – Charles Dickens

24 War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy

25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams (x+)

26 Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh

27 Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoyevsky

28 Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck (started, hated)

29 Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll (x+)

30 The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahame (x)

31 Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy

32 David Copperfield – Charles Dickens

33 Chronicles of Narnia – CS Lewis (x+)

34 Emma – Jane Austen

35 Persuasion – Jane Austen

36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – CS Lewis (x+)

37 The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini (*)

38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin – Louis De Bernieres

39 Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden (x+)

40 Winnie the Pooh – AA Milne (x+)

41 Animal Farm – George Orwell (x)

42 The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown (x+)

43 One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez

44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving (*)

45 The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins

46 Anne of Green Gables – LM Montgomery (x)

47 Far From The Madding Crowd – Thomas Hardy

48 The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood (x)

49 Lord of the Flies – William Golding (x+)

50 Atonement – Ian McEwan (*)

51 Life of Pi – Yann Martel (*)

52 Dune – Frank Herbert

53 Cold Comfort Farm – Stella Gibbons

54 Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen

55 A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth

56 The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon

57 A Tale Of Two Cities – Charles Dickens

58 Brave New World – Aldous Huxley

59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time – Mark Haddon (x)

60 Love In The Time Of Cholera – Gabriel Garcia Marquez

61 Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck (x)

62 Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov (x+)

63 The Secret History – Donna Tartt

64 The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebold (*)

65 Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas (x+)

66 On The Road – Jack Kerouak (*)

 67 Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy

68 Bridget Jones’s Diary – Helen Fielding

69 Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie

70 Moby Dick – Herman Melville

71 Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens (x)

72 Dracula – Bram Stoker

73 The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett (x)

74 Notes From A Small Island – Bill Bryson

75 Ulysses – James Joyce (x)

76 The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath

77 Swallows and Amazons – Arthur Ransome

78 Germinal – Emile Zola

79 Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray

80 Possession – AS Byatt

81 A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens (x)

82 Cloud Atlas – David Mitchell

83 The Color Purple – Alice Walker

84 The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro (*)

 85 Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert

86 A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry

87 Charlotte’s Web – EB White (x+)

88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom

89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

90 The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton

91 Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad

92 The Little Prince – Antoine De Saint-Exupery (x+)

 93 The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks

94 Watership Down – Richard Adams (x+)

95 A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Tool

96 A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute

97 The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas

98 Hamlet – William Shakespeare (x+)

99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl (x+)

 100 Les Miserables – Victor Hugo

So that makes 36 that I’ve finished from the list – how about you?