Patience

patience …. I’m struggling so badly with this!  People who’ve seen my housekeeping may have a very tough time believing it, but I’m a type A, control-freak.  Not having a clear plan for my life at the moment is very frustrating to me.  I used to be pretty good at having small goals for the next year, and bigger picture goals for the next 5, 10 years.  These last few years have pretty much demolished all my plans and this last year especially has brought me to a place of not even being able to tell you what next week is going to look like.  I feel pulled in several different directions at once … needs and wants battling and mistrust of my own judgement hard to overcome.

The Child has been pushing all my buttons this past week. He’s had at least one screaming tantrum each day and I’ve found myself yelling at him more often than I even would care to try to recall.  I am frustrated at his defiance, his refusal to listen, his insistence on doing things he knows are unsafe and not ok in this house.  He’s not just pushing the limits, but leaping right over them.

I’ve spent many nights feeling completely incompetent , inept, frustrated and angry. I’m frustrated with THe Child, with myself and just my life at the moment. This frustration isn’t helping things though, I know.

I need to re-direct my thoughts, find a new way of thinking abut this. It’s not a new approach that’s needed – lord knows I’ve read enough parenting books, tried enough different tactics .. it’s my thinking that has to change, I know. It’s my patience that needs to grow – with myself and The Child. I need to trust that things WILL work out financially and job-wise.

*sigh*

on a totally unrelated note, I came across a fascinating quote today;”We never forgive those we’ve wronged.” Interesting thought, eh?

Advertisements

1 Comment

  1. Alexis said,

    August 6, 2008 at 1:49 pm

    Girl, patience is a huge struggle! Hang in there.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: