Punny Stuff
not sure what the origin of these are, but thought I’d share 
The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, “You stay here; I’ll go on a head.”
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: “Keep off the Grass.”
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, “No change yet.”
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
things that drive me nuts
stolen borrowed from another blogger
random things that contribute to my nuttiness
- bed sheets that won’t stay on the mattress (stole this one, SO agree!)
- dog hair
- running out of coffee
- poeple trying to have a conversation with me before my first coffee of the day
- my favourite mug breaking
- attitude &/or whining from The Child
- slow drivers
- bad drivers
- low water pressure showers
- not enough milk for my coffee
- having only dial-up available where i live
- that i’m a control freak
- not being able to find a clean spoon
- never-ending laundry
- people who fail to follow-through
- lies
- the neighbour’s dog who thinks my lawn is his personal toilet
- my broken digital camera & lack of funds to replace/fix
- not being able to figure out why my pc’s modem won’t work
- still not being able to replace my mac that died last year
- the faults i feel like i *should* be able to do something about
Random things about me
Some random things you may not know about me …
- I was born in Suffern, NY
- There was a time in my life when I’d moved as many times as I was years old
- All but the last move was within Southwestern Ontario
- I don’t know how to drive standard, but would love to learn
- I don’t watch tv (don’t even subscribe to cable)
- I love to read. I am a voracious reader. In Kindergarten, I’d read every book in the room within the first month. By grade 2 I was reading at a grade 4 level.
- I ran a BBS for a couple years. yes, I really am that geeky.
- I taught myself html because I was bored. see above.
- I purchased myh first computer in the early 80’s and knew it inside and out
- I went to computer camp as a kid. see point 7 again.
- I love to cook & bake, but not for myself
- I miss all the little things that come in a relationship
- I don’t miss my ex
- I wish I knew the names of more constellations
- The pet I miss the most is my cat Socrates, a black kitty with white paws who loved to play fetch
- I love walking through the woods. I prefer to go by myself or with someone who doesn’t feel the need to always fill the air with small talk.
- I smoked during university and then again for a couple of years after my marriage ended.
- I wrote a lot of poetry from childhood to university days. I don’t know why I stopped, and the few times I’ve tried since, it’s been *work* rather than passion fueling me, so I stopped.
- I feel like passion is missing from my life in general these days. This makes me sad.
- I’m an introvert but I love people
- I had the *perfect* pair of cowboy boots in university but they wore out and I’ve never been able to find a pair just as right since
- Every winter I forget just how much S.A.D. kicks my butt
- I worked in a portrait studio for a while. I much prefered the dogs that came in to many of the people!
- I have never received a speeding ticket. Though I muchly deserve it!
- When I was a young teen, I went through a bad bout of insomnia. I used to call up local dj’s in the wee hours of the morning to have someone to talk to.
- My favourite summer memories are of learning to sail. I will get to do some sailing this summer and can’t wait
- I’m scared of spiders, but not snakes.
- I loved horror movies as a teen, but have no interest now .. unless it’s a B movie
- My music tastes are very ecclectc. I love blues especially but rarely listen to them. I flip between classic rock, new country & alternative on the radio dial.
- I go to church, but wonder if I should …
no particular reason for stopping there, just figured I`d quit before people got bored, lol!
Book meme
Apparently the BBC reckons most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here.
Look at the list and put an ‘x’ after those you have read.
Add a ‘+’ to the ones you LOVE.
Star (*) those you plan on reading.
Tally your total at the bottom. How many have you read?
1 Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen (x)
2 The Lord of the Rings – JRR Tolkien (* )
3 Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series – JK Rowling (x+)
5 To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee (x)
6 The Bible (some)
7 Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four – George Orwell (x+)
9 His Dark Materials – Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations – Charles Dickens (x)
11 Little Women – Louisa M Alcott (x+)
12 Tes of the D’Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 – Joseph Heller (*)
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare (most)
15 Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier (x+)
16 The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien (x)
17 Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye – JD Salinger (x+)
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife – Audrey Niffenegger (x+)
20 Middlemarch – George Eliot (started it, hated it)
21 Gone With The Wind – Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby – F Scott Fitzgerald (x)
23 Bleak House – Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams (x+)
26 Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck (started, hated)
29 Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll (x+)
30 The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahame (x)
31 Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield – Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia – CS Lewis (x+)
34 Emma – Jane Austen
35 Persuasion – Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – CS Lewis (x+)
37 The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini (*)
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin – Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden (x+)
40 Winnie the Pooh – AA Milne (x+)
41 Animal Farm – George Orwell (x)
42 The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown (x+)
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving (*)
45 The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables – LM Montgomery (x)
47 Far From The Madding Crowd – Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood (x)
49 Lord of the Flies – William Golding (x+)
50 Atonement – Ian McEwan (*)
51 Life of Pi – Yann Martel (*)
52 Dune – Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm – Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities – Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World – Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time – Mark Haddon (x)
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck (x)
62 Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov (x+)
63 The Secret History – Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebold (*)
65 Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas (x+)
66 On The Road – Jack Kerouak (*)
67 Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary – Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick – Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens (x)
72 Dracula – Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett (x)
74 Notes From A Small Island – Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses – James Joyce (x)
76 The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons – Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal – Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession – AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens (x)
82 Cloud Atlas – David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple – Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro (*)
85 Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web – EB White (x+)
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince – Antoine De Saint-Exupery (x+)
93 The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks
94 Watership Down – Richard Adams (x+)
95 A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Tool
96 A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet – William Shakespeare (x+)
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl (x+)
100 Les Miserables – Victor Hugo
So that makes 36 that I’ve finished from the list – how about you?
