Crafty Pay-It-Forward
Came across this fun giveaway on plurk!
I am playing along in a Craft Giveaway with Divaeva and I invite you to join us. The first 5 people to respond to this post will get something made by me, especially for you.
This offer does have a few guidelines:
- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make but I sure hope you will
- What I create will be just for you
- Rules say that I have a year to get it to you, but I can promise it’ll be sooner than that!
The catch? You must re-post this on your blog and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog.
singing sorrow
singing sorrow into song,
pouring sadness into notes
as words can not contain.
heart ache
echoed
by blues riffs.
the music
howls and weeps
when i can’t
A peek into my head
… in the form of a dream I thought I’d share. Last night I dreamt I went with my good friend to a large event. I felt overwhelmed and intimidated by the crowd, and reached out to take his hand. It felt very natural to walk hand-in-hand with him. After a while, he dropped my hand to wander off a bit.
We wandered back together and again, joined hands (interestingly I *think* it was mutual in that instance). We then came upon a fibre exhibit, which I, of course, found fascinating so it was my turn to drop his hand to get a better look at things. I was looking at spinning wheels when my friend commented that he knew how to spin, and sat down and demonstrated his ability briefly. For some reason this bothered me, so I wandered away again to look at some yarn.
Either I don’t recall what happened next, or the dream jumped, but next I recall, we were wandering again and again I reached to take his hand. He held it for a while and then gently let go and we seemed to part ways and there was a feeling of loss.
A very telling dream I think! The feeling of being overwhelmed is definitely indicative of how I feel in my life at the moment! The closeness of friendship suggested by the hand holding, has followed roughly the sequence of the dream; periods of deeper connection sometimes initiated more one-sided, followed by periods of distancing and my feeling alone in a crowd of people. For various reasons, my friend & I haven’t been as close for some time, and in no way am I disappointed or upset with him, but I do feel the loss. There’s been no close friends at all for some time with this loss and it’s been hard. I of course, have taken to retreating and withdrawing even more, which does not help!
I’m not so sure about the part about the spinning wheel – other than simply that I want to learn to spin, lol! Maybe indicitave of my feelings of inadequacy? Maybe a little jealousy at some of the opportunities and things that my friend has and wishing for similar things in my life?
At any rate, I find dreams a fascinating peek into the unconscious!
Plurkswap Fail
I don’t get the impression that anyone was checking back for new on the plurk bookswap, but in case someone wanted to know, there were only two people who sent in a list of books despite several saying they were getting them off shortly. Doesn’t make for much of a swap. ah well! A good idea, that would do better if run by one of the “popular” kids! 
Plurk Bookswap!
One of the lovely people I’ve come to know on plurk , Ms. Pritcharddesign, started a thread relating to books that got me to thinking how much fun it might be to do a plurk bookswap! so….. here we go!
Hopefully this makes sense to everyone! All you need to do to participate is contact me either by leaving a comment or by e-mail at tori dot martin at gmail dot com. Please provide your plurk handle, your e-mail, City & State/Province and country, whether you’re willing to ship out-of-country and a list of up to 5 books you’d be willing to swap. Let me know if you’d prefer me to list your books under your e-mail addy or your plurk handle for folks to be able to contact you.
I’ll close submissions on June 12th & then post a comprehensive list. Anyone who posts a book offer is welcome to browse through the final lists to see what they’d like & then contact the current owner for arranging an exchange.
At that point, I’ll leave it up to the owner of the books to decide if they’d like to trade for something on the contacter’s list, or if they simply want to forward on a book (or more) and hope to find something they like elsewhere, or simply decline the request.
Happy book swapping!
strep AGAIN!
insert whatever bad words of choice you’d like here ….
I cannot *quite* wrap my head around the fact that I am dealing with strep yet *again*. This time, for *added* fun, a stomach virus decided to hit at the same time. Way TMI moment: it hurts like BLOODY hell throwing up when your throat is swollen most of the way shut & feeling like it’s been scraped raw with low grade sandpaper. ow-fricken-ow!
As there are no walk-in clinics anywhere near where I live & as my dr couldn’t fit me in ’til next month, it was off to the ER with me. The doc walked in, I told him I was sure it was strep & why. He took one look at my poor throat and wanted to know why in the world I still had my tonsils. He whipped up a scrip for some super-antibiotics and wrote me a note for work and sent me on my way.
I seem to be much slower this time is getting over it. The tiredness is horrible – a trip to the grocery store yesterday, day 3 of meds, had me close to keeling over in the aisles. I probably should not have been driving :/
So my long weekend is being spent mostly in bed. sleeping. not fun!
next step; get a referral for a surgeon to see about getting the darn tonsils OUT!
more random writing
cryin’
some days come easy,
some days you just kinda muddle through
some days laughter comes easy and love seems to be everywhere you turn
some days you force a laugh just to save yourself from crying
some days the sillies overtake and nothing can bring a frown
some days the darkness creeps in and grabs a hold of you
wraps you in its bitter embrace and hangs on tight
some days the tears seem but a blink away
and some days nothing can keep them away
random poetry
longing for soft sweet kisses,
and lingering caresses
hungry kisses.
aching for touches soft and delicate
the feel of hands sliding across bare skin
or plunging through hair and pulling head in tight.
desire sweeping in,
pushing away thought and reason
simply being … living … loving.
roller coaster
the roller coaster of life is very bizarre …..
long, flat stretches …. long dips where you never think you’re gonna climb out again …. a succession of very quick ups & downs …. it sure seems though that the peaks go by way too quick and the exhiliration is far too-short-lived.
some days the bumps are thrilling, others they turn a stomach inside-out.
sometimes it seems easier to enjoy the ride, other times it’s hard not to wish for it to be different .. or at least at a different point.
right now, i feel like i am trying hard to pull up out of a long dip down … there’s been a few short, quick ups, but i dunno … it feels like this ride needs some more maintenance to get it running smoothly.
maybe i need to be able to say screw it more, maybe i need to be less self-critical and harsh …. maybe i need to learn to be more thankful for what i *do* have …
yet right now, i just feel like i’m wobbling along on the track, not getting it “right’ and not sure where to tune-up …
*sigh*
many lives
In a conversation with a friend recently, we got to talking about the number of times we’d started over or had our lives veer in different directions to the point it felt like we’d had several separate lives. It was such an interesting thought to *me* that I thought I’d try to recall my different paths ..
The first is easy enough – childhood, obviously! The longest I lived anywhere ever, the years from 2 – 11 were spent in a suburban neighbourhood of a large city. I had a small group of friends & spent most March Breaks visiting well-loved & much loving grandparents. I was a somewhat shy girl, but involved in many school activities & groups.
My second “life” of my teen years were markedly different. A number of things occurred within a short period of time & I went into a very bad depression. There was a move, a new school, a change of friends (I had all of 2 actually! 
) and well, we’ll just leave it that this was not a good period of my life.
The third life saw another move, another new school, a new small group of friends, my first boyfriend and a very introverted personality. I didn’t get involved in *anything* beyond work & the boyfriend at this point. It carried through to 1st year university where I was still involved with the by-now abusive boyfriend. I worked as a lifeguard & swimming instructor throughout this “life”.
I dropped the boyfriend at the end of 1st year, by second year had changed the name I used, moved (again!), got involved in a *bunch* of stuff and became very outgoing. That’s what .. life 4?
Life 5 involved a serious relationship that had me focusing just on him & his circle & not having contact with any of my previous friends. Not very healthy, huh? I think there were 2 more moves in there? Worked as a section editor for the school newspaper (another job I thoroughly enjoyed!)
Life 6 was the end of university & that relationship, another move and my first “real” job, working in the Marketing industry.
When I lost my job, I decided to start all over in a new city & with new friends. I spent a little time working as a portrait photographer for a large department store & really enjoyed that job. During this “life” I ran a BBS & taught myself the basics of html coding so there’s the geek roots showing for ya!
Life 8 had the boyfriend from life 5 re-entering my life with news of the death of a mutual friend. Somehow out of that, we got back together, I moved cities again & changed jobs again, ending up working for the MTO & once again found my social life revolving around him & his family & friends.
There’s a definite bridge between that life and the next, but it’s not enough to be a life of it’s own…. so we’ll call life 9 another move of cities, a new job that actually felt like a career move rather than “just a job” and an increased comfort in my own skin.
Life 10 is pretty much the one with my ex-husband … we moved cities, I started another new job, his girls were a major part of our lives for a time …. and obviously, that’s also when The Child came into my life
The marriage ending meant the need to move again though ast least not as far & it meant different friends though not a different job. So maybe we’ll call that 10b or Aftermath ….
Losing that last job was very rough .. that life felt like purgatory!
This last move has meant leaving yet more friends behind, and of course making new friends. I’m in a completely different sector, living in a very different environment, and so far it’s an interesting Life!
… so that’s a good dozen for me! … whew!
